Could you imagine if edward had just been some regular dude like fucking around with bella and she said with the utmost confidence “i know what you are…..you’re a vampire” and he’s just out there alone with her in the middle of the forest like
twilight au where Edward and his family just go along with it for kicks:
Rosalie hates it, Jasper sucks (or can’t keep a straight face) so he takes any excuse to avoid Bella, Carlisle doesn’t like pretending to hurt people so he decides his new persona has miraculous control, Alice and Emmett are LIVING this lie
they have an emergency family meeting to come up with basic ground rules and cover story but then just wing everything else
Edward had to tell Bella that they sparkle in the sun because Alice had dumped an entire bucket of glitter on him that morning when he got out of the shower
how would jacob fit into this tho
he’s a furry
Some thoughts:
Jacob is also werewolf kin
Aro is Edwards weird theater uncle who fuckin jumped at the chance to do a shitty accent
The volturi is his theater buddies. They’re doing king Lear in two months you should go see it
Rosalie hates it on principle but in reality she’s filming the whole thing and is definitely gonna put it on YouTube
Jaspers backstory is Like That because he wanted to see how far he could go before Bella got suspicious.
Jasper: I was uhhhhhh *throws dart* confederate soldier who got turned by uhhhhhhhh *throws another dart* a vampire lady who wanted to uh *thunk* use me to uhhhhhh *thunk* take over ummmmm *thunk* Mexico.
The only reason they’re not edgy human eating vampires is bc Rosalie threatened to tell Bella
Listen she may be pretending to be a vampire but she REFUSES to be an evil vampire
Emmett is having so much fun.
Oh Edward can my backstory be I was mauled by a bear?
What
It’s cool! It’s like that one movie with the guy and the trees!
Edward talks Like That because “if I was born in like 1901 then I gotta sound like an intellektual right”
The real reason Edward is pretending to be a vampire is bc he was high as shit when Bella asked and he said yeah for the lols but he’s too awkward to say “sorry I’m not a vampire I was just high and thought it was funny. So sorry.”
Alice, the English major, after a lot of weed: I can see the future but I can’t remember my past. It’s symbolic of the folly of mankind or whatever.
